~Blog Update~

So. Four posts in a day. I wonder if I’ll ever beat that record.

Anyhow, I’ve changed the theme, because of course, I got sick of the Eiffel Tower (not sick enough that I don’t want to go there anymore, (still on my bucket list or whatever it’s called, to do list? forget.) but sick enough that I don’t want it on my background. I went for something more new, and… fresh? Vegetables! :D

And the Lemon up there is me. Because it has a lot in common with me. For one, it’s yellow.

And it’s a small sort of vegetable? Or fruit. I forget. Hah. This is pathetic. I’m going into high school and I have no idea whether lemon is a fruit or not. Whatever.

Yeah whatever. I’m not sure about the Lemon. And similarly, I’m not sure about myself.

Yeah if you’ven’t noticed (DOUBLE CONTRAPTION THINGIE!), I actually drew the title and the side-page-link-thingie. The font, of course, goes to “sugar frog fonts,” at sugarfrogfonts.com or .org or .net or whichever it was (I think they turned off their site a while ago, what a pity, they had cool handwriting fonts…).

Wait a minute.

Sugar frog fonts?

I SOLEMNLY SWEAR I DID NOT COPY THEM. Geez, I’m kind of sad now, it has a similarly-sounding blog/website name. Darn it.

Whatever.

But here is the blog update, anyhow. Tada.

 

And here’s a screen pic, because in the future, I might change the blog layout again, so for keeping this layout:

Bye.

Another Sudden Realization

Whatever I don’t post often, so maybe three posts in on day will make up for the six months I will spend agonizing in school.

But anyhow.

(Is it six months?)

(Whatever.)

 

Anyhow, I had another sudden realization.

(I’m having lots of sudden realizations today.)

 

Everyone here is alive. Let’s assume that. (Because there are some theories ahemahemahem that the “I” is the only one alive, and that everyone else is just actually a part of my imagination, or rather, life, that doesn’t really think for it/he/herself, but actually is acting on accord of making my life spin in a better way than it would if I were alone in the middle of a desert ahemahemAKAtheproptheoryahemahem.

Everyone you see has their own story. (Obviously, I’ve ‘Suddenly Realized’ this a while ago, when I was in the middle of a crowd and wondered what caused the person next to me to get here, and stuff, and then I was all like OMGOMGOMG SUDDEN REALIZATION but that’s not the point.) Whether it’s you in New York, trying to squish your way across the street, or you in school, everyone has a life outside of the perspective in which you perceive them in. Their life is much more than class. In fact, to them, class may be merely a minimal part of their life. Everyone has a living story, with a living heart, that is beating, all in sync to create, what is called a community.

(lol I’m making this up as I go along)

(That just ruined the whole ‘feeling of the moment,’ didn’t it.)

(If there was a ‘feeling of the moment,’ that is.)

Well,

DARMITILOSTIT.

DANGIT.

DANGIT.

Wait.

Lemme

Um.

ummmm

(this happens a lot)

Okay whatever, I’ll just force myself to continue (it might come back that way)

Yeah. So this community, is sort of where everyone’s story interconnects with each other, like pieces in a puzzle, or even more complicated than that. Because everyone’s story also exists, they also think like you do, you know—I think right now, and I have my own thoughts and opinions and history, I have my own story, and memories, and so does the person next to me, they also have their own thoughts and history and memory.

DANGITILOSTITAGAIN.

Um.

What?

Well, Everyone exists. Together.

That’s what makes life, I think.

I think that was what I was thinking—I kind of forget.

NO IT’S SLIPPING.

I think it’s because I’m typing my thoughts.

I’ll stop now.

(Five minutes later~)

Okay it’s not working I was staring off into the trees for five minutes and realized I was creating a metaphor/simile/comparison relating the lengths of people’s lives to a mosaic/Piet-Mondrian painting. On a simpler note, not trying to remember what I forgot six minutes ago.

Darn it.

Well anyhow I was trying to say that because we each have our own thoughts, and we all have a life and a past and a future, it’s that that brings us together and creates a meaning in our life—if one person was all alone on an island, them being born and dying would create no impact, no importance, and no what-anything. But it’s because other people are around us that people have a meaning in life, and a goal, and that seed of hope, it’s because there are other people with their own stories, who are around us. If there is a famous person who died for a noble deed—if they died along with the rest of the people he tried to save, there would be no meaning to his life—his life, his name, and his honour would die right along with his body. Nobody would be there to notice him, or notice his deeds. But because we have our own stories, we life in our past, our present, and our future, it’s because of that that life has a meaning—that we hope to give an impact on others, not just ourselves. Because what’s the point, if you’re alone, what’s the point of living? Really? What is there to do but live, eat, and die? It’s because there are other people who are and aren’t like you, who do and don’t like you, that a true meaning is brought to life within your existence.

 

WHEW I GOT THAT OUT. After a sentence the original thought came back. Whew~ Thank Goodness.

Well, now that I wrote it down somewhere (typed, in this case), I’ll be able to get back to it and make it sound much more fluent and make some sense. It’s actually a premature thought. I have to think more about it. Whew.

 

I’m kind of tired from all that thinking. I’ll do some thoughtless, mind-not-requiring things. :D Bye.

Kind of Sad

Well, I haven’t posted in a while.

(A while=two minutes)

SO I shall now.

Because I just thought of something while updating my bucket list.

(Added two more.)

(o.o I just forgot what I added. Must check.)

(Okay I did.)

 

So anyhow, have you ever thought about space? You know, out there, besides this nice and cozy earth? Earth. Where we live, where we create endless, intricate complications on our own somehow, and manage to create big-enough problems so it destroys ourselves, and then somehow scapegoat the problem onto something/one else and manage to get away with it by trying to fix the problem that initially, it was us, our species, who created it? How, if there was no intelligent life here, intelligent as in world-destructing sort of intelligence, our earth would be so peaceful and harmonious within the balances of nature, where nobody is throwing soda cans into the ocean? (Then again, there has to be one intelligent life that evolves—Imean, there will always be a ‘smartest’ animal, no matter what, because “smartest” is a comparative adjective, meaning, as soon as there is more than one of a subject, the comparative adjective is immediately usable, meaning the smartest species of animal will eventually evolve—it just so happened that we are the ‘smartest.’) Well, on any point (I think I’m getting off track), there’s a lot more out there than us, we’re just a puny little dot-of-a-planet that has its own major problems and advantages (which we’ve all sucked the goodness out of…), wars and arguments, thoughts and temptations.

Yes, I forgot what I was going to say, and I realize it’s going in the complete opposite direction from where I initially intended to go.

Soanyhow what I was going to say was, we only read about outer space in books, only read about that feeling of zero-gravity in books, only stare laser holes through the adjectives and verbs and nouns printed neatly onto pieces of paper bound together with a cardboard cover reading “Insert Title About Astronomy and Astronauts Here.” We can never, ever, feel that sensation for ourselves, experience the wonder and excitement in finding a new world, a new place to be, a place that is different than what we call normal. We will always be stuck to the ground, unwittingly being pulled closer to ground-level, never able to float or feel free, because, unfortunately, the Great Being who supposedly created All That Exists did not supply us with wings or any sort of aerodynamic body-part. (The closest to that is the brain, because at least it MAKES things, like airplanes.)

It’s kind of sad, don’t you think? That we’ll always have to live in one world. One life. One chance. And the closest to another world, at the moment, is outer space—to feel, like Ender did in Ender’s Game (by O.S.Card), or like the Great Neil Armstrong, who was one of the first to truly experience that free-floating feeling, or like the unnamed intelligent life species out there, umpteen thousand, million, trillion miles away. (Or maybe aliens have their own gravity, too.)

Sometimes, I get sudden urges to wish for things. I’m, whacha say, easily inspired? I mean, I don’t even know what inspired me at the moment, but at one point, I kind of wished I had the personality and future of an astronaut (of course, as a weak, physically inept introvert, the chances of me being an astronaut is as close as my brother over there (going piew piew with his Legos) will sprout wings and fly off into the sunset). Really, it kind of makes me sad that I’ll die never knowing that exciting, exhilarating feeling you get when you don’t have to stick to the ground anymore. When water droplets expand and keep its round, perfect shape, instead of falling down into a line of water, where crying makes you grow tear-bubbles instead of streaming down your face, and walking is given a whole new concept. It’s kind of sad that we’re only limited to earth.

 

Then again, it’s a lot to have, Earth is—(I’m not trying to sound like Yoda. .-.), especially us, because we have created diversity within our species, in a different way than variations do in animals—we have culture and heritage, and so, the closest I can get to ‘another world’ is either in another country/culture, or another book to stick my nose in.

Kind of sad that we have this whole thing with money that prevents us from truly enjoying, hey, I’m not trying to sound cliché, but, the fruits of life. Because really, who wants to die and tell God, or whoever is the Great Being, if there is Great Being for you, but anyhow—who wants to die, and tell whoever-it-is, that you died as you were born—born poor, died poor, not able to experience anything from outer space to Paris—just because of this thing we call money, that supposedly evolved into the center of our lifestyle.

But hey, if this is Rome, we act like Romans. Honestly, I don’t like that, because I’d like to trample the place screaming KOREA, but if I do, I’ll just be shunned into the corner and die anyway, so it’s rather I follow that idiom/phrase, because, whatever wisdom is, you’ve gotta follow it if you’re human and you want to survive.

Sad, isn’t it?

What Awaits.

Darn it I’m road-blind, meaning I’m also hallway-blind, if you know what I mean.

What do I mean?

We went to the high-school orientation yesterday.

Yesterday, a day when I was literally stumbling everywhere, no idea where I was, and just following a fellow road-blindee also known as my mother. I mean, enough with the boring PowerPoint and droning on about our school’s ‘proud statistics’ and whatnot, but this school was probably BUILT TO CONFUSE NINTH GRADERS.

Or road-blind people.

Then again, that means every building is built to confuse (ninth graders, or whatever-it-is, whoever it is that is road-blind) a road-blind person.

But anyhow, I went home after blindly running into walls and lockers and windows, and had to map out everything and virtually go through the school day with fellow road-blindee, and finally figured out, after a struggling ten minutes looking at the map upside down, that the entrance was here and not there. OOOOH so that means that that’s where the parking lot is—I get it! And the entrance is here---OOOOOOHHH… Hey, it’s not that complicated, huh?

…Yeah, well, I realized that the ‘parking lot’ was included in the map.

Hah. Hah. Hah. This is calling for a terrible year.

But I went to the orientation thing and met friends (considerably less—the rest are in, ahemahem, other schools ahemahem), which was good, I guess, because it kind of makes me feel less terrible about going to school. Only, my worries have been brought up more than they were before, because now I realize how terribly lost I am in this high-school world.

How will I even find my LOCKER?

Imean.

REALLY?

I’ll get to school like ten minutes early (it’s the first day, I’ll somehow manage to convince my mother to take me to school…), and then find my locker in seven minutes, and then find a friend within two, and then follow them to class in one.

Hahahaha. Plan set.

 

…No, but seriously, what about the classes where I’m alone? So far only four people I know are in my classes, and some—I have no idea. Which is terrible, because I really, really don’t remember anything from yesterday.

 

aha. aha. ahaha. …ha.

Yeahno. I’m still not mentally prepared for this devastating event.

I still need about ten years of books, pencils, papers, and computers (computer is an essential). Maybe after ten years I’ll be mentally prepared. (Maybe less mentally prepared.)

But not now. Not tomorrow, and not the day after that.

 

Darnit well this thing called ‘reality’ is like “WELL WHO CARES SCHOOL STARTS AND THAT’S IT.”

D::::: Darnitdarnitdarnitdarnitdarnitdarnit.

Oh, well.

I hope high school doesn’t bite.

 

(Yes it does probably.)

Schedules

Fourth period lunch.

So it calls again.

I shall starve once more.

Here is my virtual day at school:

I stumble into school half-awake and half-wet and half-aware of my current whereabouts. I somehow find my locker, stuff my stuff in, and go to PE. I run a mile, throw up some cereal, and then manage to limp to Science. There, I dissect some frogs and huge annelids, where I promptly throw up once again. From there, I drag myself to English, and then faint from lack of nutrition (from throwing up all the cereal). Then, I finally get to Lunch, where suddenly I get a +3000 Power Up and hyperactively create chaos throughout the Commons. At that, I will miss the end of the period and therefore be late to Spanish, where the teacher curses and spits and screeches at me in Spanish (and I mentally add myself to Teacher Rehab). I somehow drag myself through the lengthy period, unable to decode any of the words the teacher says, and then find myself in Social Studies, where we learn about civilizations and how we are alive. I fall asleep. (Who doesn’t.) After a nice nap, I get overly hyper and then

:D DRAW FOR LOTS OF MINUTES. AND LEARN ART. EEEEEEYAY

And then I go home.

Who had PE first period? I’ll be dying. .-.

Am I a freshman? UGH really? A freshman. I refuse to adopt that word into the list of identifying terms that which describe me.

I shall be a…

nothing. I don’t want to be known as anything. I’d just like to be me, that’s all there is to it. Me.

No nicknames,

no identifying terms,

no froshie,

no freshman,

no freshmidget.

kaythanks.

yay~ so currently I am not known as anything! I have erased all terms that are used to identify my (1) social status (is there even a social status in this world?), (2) self, (3) level of school-ness.

Maybe I like ninth grader.

But I don’t like freshman.

What is it with me?

Well, I don’t know.

 

But anyhow, the only thing I like about my schedule is Art (sorry, Band, I am really sorry, but I do like Art too… ^^).

Not even Lunch appeals to me. It’s fourth period. Whaddaya know.

Fourth period lunch brings me back memories—stealing eighteen foam plates, probably fifty plastic spoons, sneaking out to band, escaping the lunch room, skipping class… (because lunch peoples actually thought we were fifth period people who just arrived early—pure luck, lemme tell you).

ahhh.

And what’s even weirder is that my whole schedule, is the SAME EXACT/SAME EXACT (who knows the grammatically correct order, and for that matter, who cares <besides Mr. F .-. >) as last year! Except for Gym and Elective, of course.

Isn’t that weird?